Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
