I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
