I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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