I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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