They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
