i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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