I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My bed smells like the plague
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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