You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
