so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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