and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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