I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
