A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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