dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
