hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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