Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
