how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
