I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there was a trapeze. enough said
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
