it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
