if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
