Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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