I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
