you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
