I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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