the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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