he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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