my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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