You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
