At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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