You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
