dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
