are you so shy because you have an std?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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