I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
