evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
