So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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