Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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