If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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