dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
