So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
