Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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