..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
