I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
