Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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