So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
