we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
