I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
