I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can text with my tongue
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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