I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
