When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
