I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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