what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
