Kiss
Puke
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
