That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
