6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
