Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my poor anus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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